a music review about lady boners

If I had to describe my music tastes, and level of music knowledge, I would sum it up with this: toddler with a karaoke machine. 

In fact, I love karaoke but only Cher and Nicki Minaj, so perhaps I am not the best person to be writing a music review. But Iggy Azalea attempts to rap so I shall attempt to review and perhaps I will be as successful as she was for like, one minute there in 2014. 

I have mad love for Tove Lo. I don't know whether I just feel her because she's swedish and quite batshit insane, or because she manages to write ridiculously specific lyrics that you just relate to deep inside your dirtiest, grottiest soul. 

The mere fact that her new album is titled 'Ladywood' just fills me with some kind of feminist glee and makes me want to aggressively hip thrust my way through life. 

In an interview , Lo described “Lady Wood” as a female hard-on. However, there are multiple layers to the meaning of “Lady Wood.” Lo equated it to how people view “having balls” as a sign of bravery, and also how people think of being a coward as being a pussy, which she mentions is unfair. 

Like that shitty Betty White quote that goes around, “Why do people say "grow some balls"? ... If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.”.

Also 90% sure Betty White didn't say this.

Whilst writing this, a male friend asked me if lady boners were a real thing. 

Ladywood is separated into two sections, Fairy Dust Chapter 1, and Fire Fade Chapter 2. Sound vaguely Hunger Games ish but whatever. 

Fairy Dust is all the songs that make you feel so full of lust and excitement and sheer FUCKING ELATION that you've met someone that's not a total cunt, that you think you're genuinely high on drugs. #Lit. 

Influence is a total jam from that section, and pretty much sums it up. 

"You know I'm under the influence

So don't trust every word I say, I say "

Translation: I am so fucking full of endorphins and dopamine because I'm so into you, that you shouldn't trust anything I say. Seriously, like when people blurt out they love someone during sex. That doesn't count. 

Cool Girl is another banger that everyone is rightly obsessed with. Anti monogamy, anti "what are we" chats, anti fuckboys. Cause Tove is the OG FuckGirl. 

Everyone is under the impression that she's being very progressive and free and doesn't care for rules and pressures but, she's actually taking the piss out of the power moves and mind games that seem to be common place in 2016 dating culture. 

She's full of irony and taunting, she'll play your fucking cool girl game and put no pressure on your for "The Talk" but she want's whatever you have to be real and if it's not, boy bye. 

I have zero chill and zero game so this song is my j a a a a a m. Also have you seen the video? It's so weird, I don't get it at all. 

Fire Fade is more about self awareness and sounds like the musical equivalent of that part of a relationship where you start to see the cracks and the issues become more prominent and harder to ignore. 

The entire album feels sexy and dark and has mad minimalistic tech/house vibes underneath the whole thing. She stated that she was inspired by The Weeknd and I can honestly see this album as a female version of his drug fuelled, sex-capade, self hating style. 

Everyone loves drugs and self hatred. 

The albums title song essentially is Tove's declaration of feelings to a notable fuckboy. I speak for a lot of women I know when I say "I've definitely been there". We all know the type, you know they are gonna smash your heart into a million pieces and you are fully aware of their rep, but it's like eating an entire bag of chips in one go. 
Do I need to eat this entire bag? No. 
Will I do it anyway? Yes. 
What a banger tune. 

Look, it's not a perfect album and I hate a couple of the songs. But as summer comes and the fuckboys and fuckgirls come out in droves, this album is gonna get played to oblivion.  

Notable songs: 

- Ladywood

- Vibes

- Influence

I'm off to buy a lot of body glitter and denim shorts because I feel like Tove would want me to.