organic, free range people

Last night, sitting around my house talking with my flatmates and I discussed the world of dating and how utterly shite it is. Comparing stories and awful pick up attempts, we all lamented that online dating was terrible and tedious, but likely the only way to meet someone at the moment. It struck a thought into my head. 

Is it still possible to meet someone 'organically?' 

I'm not talking about meeting someone who shares your passion for organically sourced, free range kale and stuff, I'm talking about meeting someone who you'd like to date, without heading online. 

Online dating is most definitely the number one way to find dates, if you're in your twenties. Tinder and OKC pop up as most popular, but basically "if you ain't online, you ain't eligible". The appeal of deliberately making a dating profile is that you are clearly looking for something, 100% on the market - there is no confusion about whether you're seeing someone, whether you're ready to date. You're out there with a big red sign on your forehead practically screaming PICK ME, I HAVE MINIMAL BAGGAGE AND IM PRETTY SURE I'M CHILD FREE. 

After stating my utter disdain for the world that is Tinder dating, most of my friends told me 'Just meet someone in real life!'. My mother, my boss, and my barista all said the same thing. 

But I thought, is this still a realistic situation? Is this actually a viable option for the single woman, wanting to find a nice lad? 

Back in time before the internet had stolen all of our souls, meeting someone in an off chance situation was common. I asked some people I know who are in their 40s how they met their partners.

'I met him at a pub' 
'We kept going to the same cafe and he asked me out one day'
'I met her because she was mates with my flatmate'
'I asked her about the book she was reading on the bus' 

To be perfectly honest, if a random person asked me out at a cafe, with no warning, I'd likely bolt away, clutching my black gold. 

Has society and it's incessant stress of 'stranger danger' ruined meeting people organically? I think back to all the times a random someone has complimented me, or struck up a conversation and I remember feeling unsettled, cautious, and a little creeped out. 

Has the world of 'meet cutes' disappeared forever down the drain of creepiness? 

It seems like, to meet someone offline there needs to be that whole degrees of separation thing. Friends of friends, flatmates, or meet them at work. My last three boyfriends went Work, Tinder, Work. And shockingly (cough), none of them worked out. 

It leaves me with the impression that perhaps meeting someone in an unexpected manner, may be the better option. That instead of working to portray the best, most filtered version of myself on an online profile and endlessly swiping in a superficial app, I should just chill the fuck out and see what the world brings. 

The idea that we should continue to just work on ourselves, spend our time doing things that we enjoy and not be always actively looking for the next eligible guy, is very appealing. The stress we put on ourselves to always be searching for that one awesome person can be counter productive and lead to low self esteem, and essentially make the entire process a bit more of a bitch. 

It allows you the time to figure out what you actually value, and want from your next relationship. Mine, mines pretty easy. I want someone who can give and take some shitty jokes, isn't emotionally stunted, likes dogs & dinosaur movies, is genuine and thoughtful, and will let me be the big spoon. BAM. 

So basically, I'm giving the whole organic dating thing a chance, along side the online stuff. As a fun adventure I'll say. Because lets face it, the world of right swipes and bad pick up lines will still be there if all this crashes in a blaze of flames. 


  1. amen galfren. i feel like online dating is a lot of effort to find you have no chemistry. I'd rather just chill and do me and if it happens - great - if it doesn't - no time wasted on people not worth my time xx

    1. exactly! it seems like a massive waste of time when you look at time put in vs results. too many people to wade through with no chemistry. im glad you're in this place too gfriend xoxoxo

  2. It's strange, I always joke about the whole 'lonely' thing, but going on Tinder and that whole setup just seems too much. We have time girl. All my exes were from uni or parties - organic is best! x

  3. Free range dating FTW! I met my last partner on a beach by pure chance. We stuck together for 11 months and are still friends. I met another boy because he lives with my best friend and we've been "hanging out" for three or four months now. I've accepted multiple random coffee dates. Literally people I have met in Auckland Central on the street. They've all turned out to be pretty normal people haha. Free range dick is the best!

  4. I've just gone off the grid, deleted all my online dating accounts. I just can't do it any more! People say I'll meet someone offline but I've only once ever been asked out that way and it wasn't even someone I was into. Some friends have been like 'meet people through friends! and work!' and when I say okay, name a single guy you know that I could date and they're all like uhhh all the guys I know are coupled or terrible lol. I work with mostly women or men way out of my age range, and can't exactly ask out patients. So that's why I've been online dating so much. For now, I need to take time and work on myself.

  5. There are many, many, times when a guy would just love to ask a girl out for a simple drink/coffee/meal/chat/whatever - but fear of rejection stops that from going any further than just a passing thought. You mentioned that you'd most likely feel a "little creeped out" if a guy compliments you - being thought of as a creep for having the courage to make an honest approach is a cold, deep, dagger to the heart. I'm not berating you in the slightest, I'm just giving you a bit of perspective from a dude. My advice to you would be that when a guy shows you some interest - he's most probably miles out of his comfort zone - and the least that you could do is to cut him some slack for at least having the guts to 'lean in' to you. Believe it or not, some guys have feelings too.

    If you go looking for that special someone you'll rarely find him, or her - you'll most likely find them when you're not looking.

    1. oh my god John thank you for your insightful advice! I guess sometimes it's hard to give men the benefit of the doubt when the best outcome is a nice date and the worst is that you end up in a body bag. How awkward are those intimate partner violence stats huh?! Also sucks how women have choice nowadays, which includes saying no to men they don't want to date, even at the risk of their own safety! But thanks for your perspective, really refreshing to hear about how hard it is for men.

      Jane Smith

    2. You're welcome Jane Smith. And full disclosure readers - we aren't married.

  6. Amen to free range dick!I have never used a dating app/site, I think I'm a bit too old (as in, I was already shacked up before they became the monster they are today). I've mostly met partners through friends or work (current partner of almost six years was because we were both photographers working for the same magazine but living in different parts of the country, chatting about work led to ... six years later haha)

  7. I think it's good to get involved in doing things that you like. Doing something that you're genuinely interested in and passionate about will put you in an environment with like minded people. At the very least you'll make some friends, maybe that could lead to a relationship? Not all couples can claim they have any shared interests, so you already have that right from the start!

    I kinda feel like I lucked out big time because I met my hubby in church, but I think the same principal applies even if you aren't religious. We were both there because of a shared lifestyle - that could be a religion thing, a health and fitness thing or even just a passion for pub quizzes, history, gaming, music, gardening (organic obvs), you name it!

  8. I love this! Online dating seems too much effort for the shitty results that can come from it - no chemistry, being ghosted etc. I'm trying to do this too - just focusing on doing things that I love and being me, and if I met someone, yay, if not, it'll happen one day! :)


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