There was a long time where I thought I had my entire life sorted and planned out. I had a 'five year plan' if you will. It involved a long term partner, a good job, saving to travel together and much more.
Then, one day I woke up and it was like someone had pulled the blinds up on my life and glaringly bright sunlight was rushing in to expose me for what I was. Unhappy.
I made the decision to start my life over again, alone. I left my long term partner (who was and is my best friend) and moved out on my own. I've never lived alone before, fended for myself completely - and the thought was incredibly scary yet I knew that was the only thing that I could do to reclaim some part of myself, that had been forgotton.
I didnt know what I enjoyed anymore, where I wanted to live, what I wanted to actually do with myself - everything I used to be 100% sure of for so long. It's incredibly weird to realise you dont know yourself very well anymore.
The last two months have been a learning experience. I've drunk far, far too much alcohol, haven't been to the gym, met friends I neglected over the years, stayed out late, got up early, been on dates, ate whatever I wanted and had mini dance parties in my kitchen. It's been amazingly fun.
I still don't know what I want to do with my life or where I want to live. I'm gradually sorting that out. Maybe there will be someone there to help me decide eventually - it doesn't matter.
This month I'm getting back into my training, eating properly, hanging out with special people and really just trying to make myself happy for a change. I'm also planning on getting professional pictures taken for the blog and really, just to get over this fear of mine of other people taking photos of me.
Starting over is super shitty and hard, but it's been the best thing in the world for me.
Way to go! Such an amazing time for you. Something I wish I could have done - not that my life is awful or anything hahah (left home at 16 met my husband at 18 first kid at 19) now 29 married with 3kids. So never had much alone time iykwim
ReplyDeleteHahaha WOW - you've packed a lot of living into a short time Lisa! Alone time is good, but I don't want it forever :)
DeleteThis resonates so strongly with me - I had very similar feelings September last year so I broke up with my partner of 5 years (still friends!), changed jobs, moved back in with my parents and applied for a scholarship in Brisbane. Here I am in Australia in June and my life is so vastly different to how I thought it would be. It's so hard to deal with that glaring blinds-suddenly-pulled-open feeling but so good to put yourself first and figure out who you are. Proud of you both for taking a leap and for sharing it with us - sending you a massive hug!
ReplyDeleteMuch love Elese - you are so brave! xxx
DeleteI love this post. It's very honest and very raw.
ReplyDeleteYou do such a good job of taking a feeling and turning it into words, and very concise words too!
I hope this new adventure of yours is going to be awesome and if you need anything, you know where I live :P
Aw Sam - that's lovely of you. Thank you for all your support xx
Delete"It's incredibly weird to realise you dont know yourself very well anymore" this is SO TRUE. I'm excited and happy for you to be finding yourself :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Lena! I'm excited too :)
DeleteWay to go Rhiana! I can imagine that it's been super hard, but it's so inspiring to hear that you're focusing on what's right for you - I think that it's so important to do that!
ReplyDelete